Almost Home

     Now I am back in the city I've known my whole life. This place feels familiar to me, but a little more foreign than when I first began my journey. I have seen the place of my physical birth.

     I have encountered the birthplace of my spiritual life.

     These experiences have changed me. I see the world a little differently. Slights that used to sting so deeply can hardly be felt. Tasks that seemed insurmountable have become welcome opportunities. Burdens that felt so heavy have been turned into an over the shoulder sack full of stories to be shared.
     So, while I am here, I cherish every laughter shared with friends. I warmly embrace every hug shared with family. I welcome every new face I greet because I know inside of them is a spirit akin to my own. I enjoy every moment as a precious gift. For these moments are short lived and forever longed for once they are gone.

     The road is never far away. And it continues to call each day. I am thankful for the laughter, the smiles, the hugs, and the bonds shared with loved ones. I am thankful that my life has been filled with them and that their abundance continues. I am thankful for the opportunity to enjoy them for as long as they are with me.
   
     I am thankful that I will carry these with me into whatever chapter comes next. Whatever may come, I am stronger with love in my heart. I am almost home.

Another Day in Israel

     A man on the bus was having a conversation quite loudly on his phone and then excused himself. A little later he came up and spoke to our tour guide.
     "For what it's worth, that was my cousin. They've had rockets in Tel Aviv. It's all over the news."

     Our tour guide nodded and shrugged it off. The Israeli guide asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
     Our American tour guide replied, "I guess." His demeanor did not demonstrate a desire to talk about it though.
     A few moments later suggested "maybe after..." something I couldn't hear. Our American tour guide agreed.

     I put my arm around my mom. She leaned her head into my shoulder and told me she loves me.
     "I love you too, Mom," I replied.

-Rockets Attack: Nitzamin, Netivot, Beit Hilkia

     As we were walking around Gezer viewing the ruins and hearing its history, we heard what sounded like planes in the sky that lasted for several minutes. With no clouds on a clear day, nothing could be seen flying. The sound was followed shortly by a noticeable wind that came abruptly and then abated.

-Rockets Attack: Shokeda, Zimmurat, Shuka, Yarsmel

     I overhear a quiet conversation as the Israeli guide leans over to reassure our American guide that Israeli intelligence anticipates these attacks and is prepared for them. Our American guide has begun whistling to himself. It is clearly a nervous habit.

-Rockets Attack: Yad Mordechai, Karmi'ia, Nas Haraav

     "The kibbutz," I hear the driver tell our Israeli guide.
     We visited a hill on Bet Shemesh to hear of the ark of the covenant passing through the area.
     "Red Alert says they are firing rockets from Gaza," I hear one of our tour guests say to another.
     "We finally retaliated," our Israeli guide tells our American guide.
     "We did?" our American guide asked.
Our Israeli guide went on to describe them identifying something I couldn't hear and saying they destroyed the rockets.
     "Well, good." Our American guide seems pleasantly reassured.

     We arrived at lunch. Ate it and returned to the bus. As we pulled away, our Israeli guide explained to all of us over the microphone that a jihad extremist leader had been assassinated by Israeli intelligence yesterday. They expected a retaliation and it came today. He explains that some 70 bombs have been launched, but none have landed with any casualties. The Israeli Defense Force has found a group of bombers. They have killed two of them and injured eleven more, taking out the unit.
    Our Israeli guide offers his opinion that this whole conflict will not last more than 24 hours.

    We walk up the hill and hear the story of David versus Goliath. This is the valley suggested to be where the battle took place.

-Rockets Attack: Tushia, Saad, Aliomen, Zimrat, Talmel Blu, Netivot, Turmaa, Timrat and Shava, Yoshu, Tsumann, Talmel Blu

    The next site we come to is some kind of national park caves. It is closed due to the attacks today.
     "...we know where you are and we are coming for you." This was something our Israeli guide told our American guide.
     "That was the Jihad?" our American guide asks.
     "Yes," the Israeli guide confirms.

     We visit another site. The site was Lakish. This is the site of the city destroyed in the Bible around the time of Hezekiah.
     Four planes fly over head. Two by two all in the same direction. These are the first planes we have seen in several hours. We suspect all planes have been grounded.

-Rockets Attack: Ezaz, Mavkim

    We visit Tel Lubna as the sun sets. When we return a full red moon rises over the opposite horizon.

Come and See

Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” — John 1:46

     After spending the last week in Israel, I am grateful to see this verse in a whole new light. Nazareth was a nothing town and hardly on any map. It was the most unlikely place to produce anything or anyone of any repute. I know this because I have been shown the archaeological evidence that suggests the size of the town was miniscule compared to those around it. Nevertheless, it produced a teacher who gathered round him a host of followers that slowly spread to every corner of the world.
     Before his word was shared everywhere though, it was shared to small crowds of people willing to listen. When Nathanael asked what could be remarkable that came from nowhere, Philip did not try to explain the message or summarize it or sell it in any way. He simply suggested Nathanael come hear the words for himself.

     Jesus turned and saw them following and said to them, “What are you seeking?” And they said to him, “Rabbi” (which means Teacher), “where are you staying?” 
     “Come and see,” He replied. So they went and saw where He was staying, and spent that day with Him. -John 1:38-39

     I have been blessed to be able to see the ruins confirmed to be the hometown of four of the twelve disciples. It has been my privilege to visit sites that carbon date exactly to the times attributed them in the Bible and fitting the descriptions given. Stories I have heard my whole life from various scriptures meld into one continuous line when I get the chance to see and feel their proximity to one another. After witnessing many excavations still being conducted and putting my hand on the Western Wall, I know that I am touching history.

     I have been a Christian my entire life, but this does not mean that I carry with me no doubts. I continue to wrestle with the idea of supernatural wonders, just as I imagine anyone of us does. However, after seeing how much of the story has been confirmed through archaeological studies, corroborated secular histories, and fossil evidence, it is not such a stretch to imagine the rest of the story may be true as well.
     My life continues to be enriched by the faith that I have been granted. It is not and never has felt like any kind of hindrance. With all of the conflict going on around me, I have never been more at peace.

     There is a story in the Bible where Jesus healed a man who had been blind. After the miracle was performed, the people demanded that the man who had been healed explain to them what had happened.

The man replied, "I don't know if he is a sinner or not. All I know is that I used to be blind, but now I can see!" -John 9:25

     When people ask, I cannot tell them who God is to them or who He should be. I cannot explain how He works or does not work. I cannot prove His existence or absence. The truth is, I don't want to. I simply know that my life is and has always been better with His presence in it. So I will come each day and see what He has in store for me.

...without fear.

     On the last leg of an 18-hour journey from Beijing to Tel-Aviv, I have plenty of time to reflect on the past couple of weeks. I recognize what I have let go of and this brings me confidence.
     Many times in my life have I relied on others. Many times it was necessary and for the most part it has been beneficial. However, in having to find my own way, I discovered self-reliance in the face of adversity. Without a ride, I found direction.
     My life has been filled with planning throughout its entirety. I planned what I would do after school, I planned the kind of career I would have, I planned out the best way to pursue personal relationships, I planned out every chapter of my own personal story. However, when I had no plan, the true reason for my time in China gravitated to the surface. Without a plan, I found purpose.
     Searching for explanations to life's great mysteries seems to be the sole livelihood of many of us. I searched for why things happen for so long. Why has this person been lost in my life? Why have I missed out on this job opportunity? Why can't I grow in the way I desire? Why do others get to live such different lives? Why has this person come into my life? Why have I been given this opportunity? Why do I have gifts others don't? These endlessly lead to more questions. When I found myself in a place without descriptions I could understand, instinct and inference painted a clearer picture. Without explanation, I found meaning.
     Everyday the internet is our constant companion. It provides news to us, gives us information and carries an opportunity to communicate with others. I was distraught to think of going a few weeks without it. However, when I was left without the white noise that constant opportunity for connection clouding my senses, I discovered that a single conscious effort to connect is more valuable than a million opportunities to do so. Without the internet, I found connection.

     I am touching down this morning into a new land. It will be another country that I do not speak the language in. In this one, I have not even booked my lodging ahead of time.
     I am not worried.
     I know that I will find my way. I know that I can determine a course once I arrive. I know that a purpose comes first, so that a plan will form organically. I know that explanations are the tip of the iceberg when searching for meaning. I know that without the internet, connections will be found not less but more.
     I know that all of these things that I counted as lacking have filled me to the brim. I know that I am free of what I used to rely on. I know that I am free. Without fear,
     I found freedom.

...without the internet.

     There were parts of this trip that were certainly limited due to my lack of internet. I did not have the opportunity to research sites once I got here. My travel plans were all contingent on how close they were to my hostel. I could get to almost nothing that wasn't connected to some kind of major transportation hub.
     On a trip where I had pleasantly discovered that my text service came with me for free in every other country, this disconnection from every kind of digital contact was new.
      It didn't really sink in until after the first few days. After already seeing what I had come to see within the first 48 hours of being here, I was becoming curious about what else was out there. But I could not just type in a quick search to find out.
      Luckily, the hostel had maps of the Beijing subway that cited major attractions on it. This became one of my primary guides. I simply took a new attraction each day and explored a small part of the city with each one. My nights would be filled by talking to other travelers in the hostel bar. We would talk about what we had seen and we're going to see. If a few of us had the same ideas, we would go together.
      Who knew? The simple art of conversation still exists and works as a valid exchange of information. Along the way I met someone on my Great Wall tour that shared a kung-fu show with me. I met someone the next night and we decided to share the Forbidden City together. Another new friend was determined to see pandas in China, so we spent a day at the Beijing Zoo. There were four of us who got together to do nothing more than play card games in the bar for four nights in a row. When one of them left, someone else who had just arrived joined the game. I left having exchanged information with five or six different people in as many countries.

     Unexpectedly, it seemed easier to meet people in an environment that seemed so foreign. It turns out, the need for human interaction is pretty important to us and only when it is limited can it be appreciated in its fullness. It was without the distraction of constant digital noise,
     I found connection.

...without explanation.

     It's a cold, rainy day today. I had thought I might visit the Forbidden City today, but the majority of it is outside in the weather. Almost all of the historical sites in this ancient city are exposed to the elements. I did take note, however, of a museum that sits right next to Tian'anmen Square. I resolved to wait out the rain gathering whatever information I might find there.
     Even getting into the museum ended up being a bit of a chore. Trying to get to the front door, I was directed with point of a security guard's finger to go to the security check. This security check walked me right to the crosswalk that took me into Tian'anmen Square. Despite the rain, I took my time walking through the square to soak in the atmosphere.

     It's a bustling place with endless waves of tourists who are mostly Chinese snapping their selfies and hurrying to the constant lines at each entrance. Security guards stand on every corner and many seemingly random points in between. They appear bored more than anything. A deeper sense says that despite the commotiont there is very little going on here. It is more just a space for events to happen when they need to, rather than a space that has something happening all the time.

     I continue on to the next cross walk that takes me back to the side of the museum. There is a stone mob of people staring directly down at there cell phones. Past this I see a small building unattached to the museum that just a few people are rushing to. The building has lots of Chinese I can't read and the word "passport." I head towards the building. After elbowing my way to the front, as is the custom in China, I hand the clerk my passport. She types something into her computer, then hands me my passport with a slip of paper. I take the piece of paper with me to the side entrance of the museum. As I hand it to the woman attending the door, she passes me through to a security check.
     After passing through the security check, I now have free reign of the museum itself. I discover a space much larger than I thought with much more information. There are nineteen galleries that span five floors. Each gallery proves to hold several rooms worth of specific history. One holds the history of currency. Another holds the history of literature. A third holds a history of weapons. A fourth holds a history of international relations.
     The gallery that captures my attention the most is the one that has a history of the country as a whole. This gallery is by far the largest and has mutliple roomed sections that each contain a major chapter of China's history. It begins with fossils demonstrating early man's presence on the vast continent. It continues with exhibitions demonstrating development of tools. It is followed by exhibitions of early societal structures and finally compounds into the countless dynasties that stretched out for thousands of years leading up to modern day Chinese life.

     What I found most fascinating was how much could be interpreted by such a vast expanse of history. Walking through the birth and growth of this very foreign culture, I found a sense of my own becoming. There is an ongoing cycle from growth to creation to destruction to growth to creation to destruction and on and on again. It can be found in any society around the world.
     And it could be seen plainly walking through the halls where I could not read a single sign. While the displays were all in Chinese, the story itself was clear. Some stories are so universal, they need no explanation. They can be found not in examining our differences, but rather by observing our similarities. It is in these stories,
I found meaning.

...without a plan.

     When I arrived in China, I had nothing more than my hostel booked. People before and during the trip asked me many times why I was going to this country. Tian'anmen Square and the Great Wall. Outside of these two places, I had no idea what to look for. I trusted that the Great Wall was a big enough attraction that I would be able to find my way there once in country. Tian'anmen Square was no further than five or six blocks from my hostel.
     I was fortunate enough to view Tian'anmen on my way to the hostel, as well as several times after that simply because it was on my way to other sites I decided to visit. When checking into my hostel, I immediately noticed a sign behind the counter advertising their "Ancient-Secret Great Wall" tour. I signed up for the next day.
     I was pleased to find that the main descriptions they put on their sign proved to be true. Their tour was simply a bus ride, a twenty-minute explanation of the history of the wall, three hours of free time to explore it, a provided lunch on site, and then a return ride back to the hostel. It was nice to have a tour that did not try to sell anything extra or take you to any shopping sites along the way. Additionally, the part of the wall we went to is between any main tourist sites. This means that we had most of the wall all to ourselves.

     After returning to the hostel, a new friend I had met on the tour and I signed up to see a kung fu show that evening. It was only as we were leaving that I realized that this time the transportation provided was only one way. We ended up having to find our own way back. This took us down many streets we never would have seen otherwise. It gave us the opportunity to see Beijing outside of the attractions that draw so much attention. Three hours after the show ended, we came walking back into our hostel near around 1am.
     It was a good second night in the new country.

     Thinking back to my experiences these first few days and throughout the rest of my time in China, it was the unexpected encounters that stuck with me as the most memorable. It was finding a corner full of old men playing cards in the park. It was discovering a gaggling group of girls chasing some celebrity with their camera phones. It was the smiles of the old ladies on the subway when I gave up a seat for them. It was the excited children playing in the zoo and the happy parents looking after them.
     While I appreciate the history each of the many UNESCO sites provided, it was the moments in between them that portrayed how everyday life looks for the people in China. This was the reason I had come here. It was in the unplanned moments,
     I found purpose.

Through the Storm

We all go through dark times in our lives.

We see the storm brewing.

We wait to see what is to come.

As the sky goes from blue to black...

...we look back to see a violent storm.

We have arrived somewhere new.

We enter into places we would rather not.

Our world has changed.

Washed away.

But as the storm subsides...

...love remains.

Five Faces

     What do you think of when someone mentions Japan? Do technology and games come to mind? Maybe samurai warriors flow from your imagination. Perhaps beautiful flowering plantlife or endless rice fields stretch as far as the mind wanders.
     Many people would argue which of these best represents the "strange little island." Over the course of the past month, I have been able to visit five major cities that represent significant differences in sub-cultures and atmospheres. I do not believe any of these are more or less important than the others. Each represents a part of Japan, just as pertinent to its culture as any other city.
   
     Similarly, we all wear many faces through different chapters of our lives, in different settings, and sometimes simply with different people. Please do not misunderstand me. This by no means suggests we are all two-faced and liars. Rather, it suggests that there is more to each of us than what can be seen on the surface.
     As I explore the relevance of each city, I can't help but think of how their representations are paralleled in our own lives.

Tokyo
     Tokyo is a modern city. It is cosmopolitan. It has many different parts that all have specific tasks. It has a strong tradition in its castle area, a burgeoning technology in Electric Town, the tried and true businesses in Shinjuku, continued commerce in its world-renowned fish market, and awareness of self in a 47-story free observatory at its Metro Building. This is the first city that comes to mind for many who visit Japan.
     In the same way, when others think of who we are, it is the face we show them. It is the face that holds some tradition, but adapts to new situations. It is the face that relies on what has worked for us in the past, while trying to share with others what we have developed of ourselves. It is the face that stares back at us from the mirror.

Kyoto
     When I asked the hostel owner what there was to see in Kyoto she pointed out seven different sites on a map. Five of these were historical temples or shrines. Kyoto is what we see in the movies. It is the old buildings. It is the cultural hub of ancient Japan. It offers a glimpse into what has made Japan what it was in the past and has become today.
     This city represents our deeper traditions. There are deeper roots within us than many of us realize. There is a face that holds onto not only what has worked, but what has become our purpose. There is a part of us that says, "This is who I am." It does not matter if we say it out loud or to ourselves. It is always there nonetheless.

Osaka
     This city is described as being the major rival to Tokyo. It is a city that historically was founded by and for merchants, rather than samurai. It is and has always been a city of commerce. With Tokyo representing Japan as it is, Kyoto representing Japan as it was, Osaka represents Japan as it will be... or so everybody in Osaka will tell you anyway.
     Just as Osaka believes it is the city of the future for Japan, we all dream of a person we would like to one day be. It is this face that we try to share with others intentionally. We do our best each day to live as the individual we hope to become. While holding onto the purposes that have brought us this far, we all continually look for ways to adapt and evolve. Ever becoming a greater version of ourselves in the process.

Hiroshima
     No visit to Japan would be complete without visiting Hiroshima. It is described as the trip that every person on the planet should take at least once in their life. It is heavy. It is hard to visit the Peace Memorial Park and see all the monuments for countless types of people's who were killed. It is heartbreaking walking through the museum and the victims' information center to hear first-hand stories of how this terrible event effected individual innocent lives. But it is overwhelmingly inspiring to appreciate that the park is open 24/7/365. The museum is free to the public everyday of the year. Hiroshima has led the fight against war around the world. The city did not rally to blame anyone. They did not cry out for retribution. In their suffering they found their own voice and stand unified in sharing it with the whole world: "No more Hiroshimas."
     While these monuments, efforts, and information can demonstrate the need for peace, we can never know the extent of the suffering each individual felt dealing with the repercussions of the first nuclear bombing. However, we can find in ourselves suffering and turmoil that often feels like nobody could understand. In our suffering, we mourn. In our suffering, we unite with others who share experiences similar to ours. And, most importantly, if we can find the strength that this community found, in our suffering we find hope to fight for it to never happen again.

Itoshima
     Itoshima is a seaside city that most people have never heard of. It is a beautiful agricultural community that is surrounded by sprawling green hills and long sand beaches. While it is mostly unknown, it produces much of Japan's vegetables and houses the world-renowned Ichiran Ramen factory. Life is slow here.
     Our place of peace within ourselves often goes unnoticed by others. There is a part of us that is simply who it is. There is a part of us that accepts things simply as they are. This is our face of peace. And though most people we interact with will never know where it comes from, this place of peace is where our productivity comes from. This is the face that provides for most of the others.

Deeper Waters

     As I sink under the water, the world disappears from my vision. Liquid overwhelms every one of my five senses. My world has become so much smaller. Now my field of vision is scarcely 10-15 feet. I drift downward, knowing nothing of what the depths have in store for me. Slowly, the sea floor emerges. At first, it seems chaotic, without pattern or reason. Steadily, however, minute systems begin to take shape. Sea anemones lie in wait for their prey. Scuttlefish scurry across the sandy surface. Crabs crawl carelessly over the fields of kelp. Eels guard themselves under deep cover of holes in the rock. To the discerning eye, life is not only present but abundant.
   
     I have been blessed with many experiences that embody what people imagine diving to be. These experiences have been filled with beautiful fish, warm waters, and clear visibility. This is my first dive into the colder waters. My previous dives brought me many joyful experiences, but the life I witnessed today could not have lived in the warm tropical environments. I know that I was not there to bring light. I was not there to bring warmth. I was not there to bring any of these creatures with me to a beautiful paradise. I was simply there to be with them and appreciate them.
     I cannot help but notice the way this parallels my life right now. For many years, my sister had been separated from our family. We did not speak or visit. While we wondered how life was for her, it simply remained apart from us. It was cold. Now, however, we have spent the past three weeks together. We have visited. We have enjoyed our time together. We have loved one another. There has been no revelation that cleared all misunderstandings. There has been no miraculous healing of rifts or sudden blooms of life. There has simply been presence together. Nothing more. And nothing less.
     I am so grateful.
     I imagine this analogy spreading itself to more than just my relationship with my sister. I imagine how it looks throughout all of my life's relationships. There is beautiful life to be found near the surface. It is vibrant. It is colorful. It is pleasing to the eye and idealized in stories. But there is also life well below what we can see. There is life in the murky waters. There is life that prefers the cold. There is life that disdains the light from above and recoils at the sun's rays. There is life beyond our idealized settings. There is life where many of us believe to be none.
   
     We do not enter these spaces to bring warmth. We do not enter these spaces to bring light. We do not enter these spaces to bring some miraculous exodus. The life here is built for the depths and there it remains. I thank God that I can simply be present with it. I thank God that I can simply witness it's beauty beneath a surface that only appears foreboding. And I know now that when others let us enter the deeper places where their hearts reside, it is not to draw their hearts to the surface but rather to simply be present with them.
     I thank God for this revelation. I thank Him for the realization that sunlight, vibrant colors, and swarms of pleasing visions have their place, but beneath the shallows life continues to abound in the darkness, inhabiting the cold, and filling the depths.
     Where we can see life, there is beautiful life. Where we cannot see life, there is also beautiful life. If only we have the courage to be present with it. I have enjoyed my time in the shallows, but, from now on, I will also appreciate the very different kinds of life that can only be found in the deeper waters.

A Little Kindness

"No good deed goes unpunished."

That is the mentality that many of us have these days. There is division in our country, in our families, in our ideologies, and the list goes on and on. It is a virus that spreads and eats away at our souls, at our happiness, and at our peace. Thinking only of ourselves and of others only in how they relate to us builds walls between us that isolate me from you, you from him, him from her, etc.

I am grateful to be able to share an experience that realigned my perspective:

While my mother, sister and I sat at the 4-top table in the cruise restaurant, the 2-top next to us was sat with a single gentleman. He introduced himself to the waiter by name and shook his hand when he did so. The waiter asked if he would have anyone joining him this evening. The gentleman replied that it would just be him tonight, as his planned companion had been caught up with other plans. I couldn't help but overhear all of this because our tables are probably no more than 12-18 inches apart from one another.

"I couldn't help but overhear that you are dining alone this evening. Would you like to join us for dinner?" I asked.

"Oh, that would be great. Are you sure? I don't want to impose," he replied politely.

I insisted that we would love to have him join us. So, he picked up his glass and silverware and came around to take our fourth seat. The waiter took note immediately and simply continued service with us as one group. We very much enjoyed the conversations we shared, finding both similarities and minute differences intriguing. It wasn't until we were well into our conversation that he asked us if we had seen the Footloose production on the ship. We replied that we had not only seen it, but enjoyed it thoroughly. He asked us if we had recognized him. We shook our heads questioningly. He then changed his accent from its natural Scottish tone to an American drawl and asked if that would have jogged our memory.

It turned out that he happened to be one of the primary actors in the cruise production of Footloose. We didn't know it while we were dining with him because his character was very different than he was. In fact, he used the American drawl for his character on stage while his natural voice has a distinct Scottish inflection.
It was fascinating to hear how he trained for the play, how life was for him as an employee on the ship, and what kinds of experiences had brought him to be working on the ship. He even was kind enough to give us some pointers on how to get the most out of our limited time on this particular cruise.

Sharing the time together was great and so, when he mentioned that he was also in the cruise's other production Elements, we made sure that our schedule opened up to go see it. When we did get to see him on stage after dining together, it felt like we were seeing a good friend rather than a random face. We enjoyed it immensely!

There are great joys to be found in opening ourselves up to other people. There are connections to be had that cannot come from prescribed experiences. Some bridges will only exist when we have the courage to step outside our comfort zone.

I am very grateful that this man joined our table, both literally and figuratively. His willingness to share his experience with us opened the door that allowed us to move from strangers to friends and the rare opportunity to see life from a wholly new perspective.

A little bit of kindness may indeed open us up to being hurt sometimes, but that same little bit of kindness also opens us up to joyful connections with friends we haven't met yet. I, for one, believe it is worth the risk.