...without fear.

     On the last leg of an 18-hour journey from Beijing to Tel-Aviv, I have plenty of time to reflect on the past couple of weeks. I recognize what I have let go of and this brings me confidence.
     Many times in my life have I relied on others. Many times it was necessary and for the most part it has been beneficial. However, in having to find my own way, I discovered self-reliance in the face of adversity. Without a ride, I found direction.
     My life has been filled with planning throughout its entirety. I planned what I would do after school, I planned the kind of career I would have, I planned out the best way to pursue personal relationships, I planned out every chapter of my own personal story. However, when I had no plan, the true reason for my time in China gravitated to the surface. Without a plan, I found purpose.
     Searching for explanations to life's great mysteries seems to be the sole livelihood of many of us. I searched for why things happen for so long. Why has this person been lost in my life? Why have I missed out on this job opportunity? Why can't I grow in the way I desire? Why do others get to live such different lives? Why has this person come into my life? Why have I been given this opportunity? Why do I have gifts others don't? These endlessly lead to more questions. When I found myself in a place without descriptions I could understand, instinct and inference painted a clearer picture. Without explanation, I found meaning.
     Everyday the internet is our constant companion. It provides news to us, gives us information and carries an opportunity to communicate with others. I was distraught to think of going a few weeks without it. However, when I was left without the white noise that constant opportunity for connection clouding my senses, I discovered that a single conscious effort to connect is more valuable than a million opportunities to do so. Without the internet, I found connection.

     I am touching down this morning into a new land. It will be another country that I do not speak the language in. In this one, I have not even booked my lodging ahead of time.
     I am not worried.
     I know that I will find my way. I know that I can determine a course once I arrive. I know that a purpose comes first, so that a plan will form organically. I know that explanations are the tip of the iceberg when searching for meaning. I know that without the internet, connections will be found not less but more.
     I know that all of these things that I counted as lacking have filled me to the brim. I know that I am free of what I used to rely on. I know that I am free. Without fear,
     I found freedom.